what an interesting day! i don't know what triggered it but somehow my mind began to wander and it found some amazing connections, and it really made my day!
there had been a few moments after having moved to montana that i felt like i might have been out of place. i do like my job, but there are times where i felt like i didn't fit in. this was especially true with the youth group. in the past i had worked with youth groups and really enjoyed it, seriously contemplating going to seminary to be a youth pastor. then when i started working at chrysalis and was put in charge of leading the youth group i was excited, imagining the great fun i would have impacting their lives. sadly, i haven't felt the same. i have felt more judged and boring than exciting and inciteful.
but today something changed. in the youth group we had been working through a c.s. lewis book called the great divorce, a good book, but not an easy read. i won't give away the story wishing that you would look into it yourselves, but in it many characters prevent themselves from reaching pure joy and love in "heaven" because they refuse to let go of something that is holding them back. a few of the characters had the problem of being so focused on the means rather than the end, the journey and not the destination, that they lost the meaning of it all. and my wandering mind suddenly saw clearly, or at least clearer. i had become one of them.
i was so focused on having a good youth group and having good discussions and making an impact, and that i would be so excited about it, that i lost the point of the youth group. the youth group was for the youth, for them to explore things, and i was just trying to be happy doing it, rather than being happy for what it could do for the youth!
at the same moment my still wandering mind hit on the end of another book that i had finished last night, "a wrinkle in time." in the end of that book, the characters overcame evil with love, and it was love that saved them. in "the great divorce" it is the hope for the characters to enter into a true love where they will relinquish their past mistakes and madness for joy and peace. and then i saw it. it was about love! i needed to have a truer love for the students, not for the desire to enjoy leading the youth group. to love the students would be the better reason, and at that moment i was filled with a radiating love, and joy, and peace. the world got a little brighter and my person more smiley and excited.
from that point on the day just seemed to go well, and even the small "inconveniences" were nothing. just crazy. it really is about love.
