Patience

"we'll wait 10 more minutes."

it was 10 minutes to noon and we were waiting for one more fish to bite. the wind had picked up and sitting on the ice was less and less fun, but we would wait 10 more minutes as my fishing buddy suggested.

i met up with him at 7:30 in the morning to head out onto the ice for some trout fishing at a place that he knew of and had previous success at. the first signs of daylight were showing up as we headed out the door and into his truck, and then down the road. we passed several deer on the way and even saw an elk herd as we turned into the road that went to the lake. it was turning into a beautiful day and i was excited to see how things went.

we pulled our gear onto the lake and drilled our holes. we were all set up and ready to go at 10 minutes to 9. the clouds were starting to part and the sunrise was looking awesome with the promise of a nice warm day ahead of us.

almost immediately we started getting bites, well, he started getting bites, and soon landed a nice 14 inch rainbow trout. shortly after that i landed one as well, a 12 inch rainbow. it seemed that the fish were swimming around the little lake and as the school came by, some would come by for a quick bite hoping we wouldn't bite back.

we watched our rods carefully for the "tapping" of the rod tip as a fish began to bite then with haste tried to grab the rod an set the hook. and so it went for the next hour and a half as he caught 4 more and i missed 2 more.

it was so frustrating as the ones i missed let go close to the hole then got away, especially as he was catching all the fish and had just reached his limit, but then i got to use his holes as the fish seemed to be biting better there. and shortly after moving in i had another bite . . . and another miss, and yet another. by about 11 he had caught his limit and i still only had one little fish on the ice.

i was starting to think of giving up when i got another good bite, and this time i got the fish on the ice. i started taking the hook out when i saw my other rod getting tugged and quick grabbed that one and pulled in another decent rainbow. i had a quick double and tried even faster to get more bait on and down the hole while the fish were still around. but they had already moved on again.

i waited some more and after a few minutes had another bite and pulled out a fourth rainbow and was getting excited that i might also catch my limit. being a non-resident, a fishing license is expensive, and not wanting to spend too much money, i've bought the short 2-day licenses so far, and i am hoping to catch enough fish to make the license worth it. when trout is $6 to $10 a pound at the store, and a 2-day license is $15, three fish pay for the license, and everything after is a bonus.

we watched as two other anglers ventured onto the ice and set up, giving us hope that the fishing might still be decent in the middle of the day. and so the wait for one more fish was one.

"here!" my fishing buddy reported as i turned to look at one pole from watching the other as the rod tip started bouncing. i quick grabbed the pole and set the hook and reeled in a nice 14.5 inch rainbow, number five, i had reached my limit.

we packed up our things, walked out, took some pictures and drove back to his place to clean and cook up some fish, and you really can't beat the taste of fresh fish.

it was a great ending to an awesome morning of frustrations. the patience really paid off and i'm glad i took those extra 10 minutes.

The Dream

so i've been reading an interesting book, which deserves a blog all on it's own, but that's another day. but in the book the author tells of a dream he had. i recognized it as one that has been passed around on email multiple times, and the email has been wrong, and because of that, when i shared it with others, i've given the wrong story. so i appologize for that.

the author's dream is about finding himself in a room full of card filing cabinets. each drawer is labeled with things of his life, like "things he said," "jokes he laughed at," "people he's helped" etc. he figures out he's in the room that holds his life story and tries to get rid of the bad things that he did but destroying the cards but he can't do it, the cards can't be destroyed. then Jesus comes into the room and begins reading the cards and the author is filled with terror and greif. Jesus is saddened but writes His name over the cards in blood to the protest of the dreamer, and when He is done, He says, "it is finished," and leads them out of the room. in the book it is much more descriptive and elegant, but that is not what this blog is about. in the email i've heard that it was by a high school kid who wrote this as a class assignment, and after turning it in, died in a car accident. well, i guess that did not happen as the dreamer is still alive, so if anyone remembers this story, please check out the true version, it is by joshua harris.

but it was reading this that made me decide to write about what was probably the most terrifying experience i've had. it oddly enough isn't one of the "near misses" i've had in my life, though some of those were scarier than others. before beginning, i will note that it deals with the supernatural, which i know some people don't believe in. though i do believe in the supernatural (God, angels, demons), i don't know how much i should read into this.

this story takes place in the late winter of 2007, i can't remember exactly what day or month, but i think it was november or december, cuz i know it was cold outside.

i remember being awakened to the sound of my keys rattling. many thoughts ran through my mind at once. one was that my keys were attached to the belt loop on my pants which lay on the floor by my bed. another was that i was laying on my side facing a wall that didn't look quite right. i thought that i was at camp but the wall did not look right, but did fit my room at home and realized that i was actually at home rather than camp. and finally, that there was a strange feeling that someone was standing behind me in the open room.

i didn't want to turn to see if there was someone there, but almost felt like i should. just then i felt a gentle and cool breeze blow over my back. it was one of those breezes that comes in the summer when you are too warm, blowing in from the window lightly billowing the curtains and feels simply amazing. it was the most amazing breeze i had ever felt.

it was then that i realized it was winter, and the window was closed. as quickly as i thought it, the breeze turned icy cold and run all through me. i've heard that when a demon is around and working, the temperature seems oddly cold and frigid. i knew that there was a demon behind me and was about to turn to face it when it entered me. i tried to move but it seemed the demon was forcing me still, i couldn't move without great force. i tried to yell, but when i opened my mouth, nothing came out. my whole body began to tingle, and though it didn't hurt, it wasn't pleasant. i managed to force my arms apart slightly and perhaps even turn a little. in my mind i was yelling at the demon to leave, calling out in the name of Jesus to cast it out. it did after a few traumatizing moments, but it did leave, and i relaxed. and then i woke up.

it really had been a dream within a dream. i've had those before, but this one, dream within a dream or not, was the most realistic one i could remember. it was 4:30 in the morning when i actually woke up, and i had two more hours to sleep, but i was afraid to go back to bed. i stayed up for half an hour and prayed fervently. i did eventually drift back to sleep, and have not had another dream like it since. i was definately scared, thankfully it was only a dream. i don't know what the dream means, if anything, but one thing i can affirm is that there is power in Jesus name.

highs, lows, and breaks

today was a long day, a looonnng day.

i got to work at 7 in the morning to make breakfast for the students, and though breakfast was great, the morning was a mess. one group of students was leaving at 8:30 to go to the mountain skiing, a second group was leaving at 8:45 for appointments in town, and two other groups were leaving at 10:30 for school and to visit a hot springs. i had to make two different breakfasts for two different times. and i was tired. then i had to do all the chore checking amidst it. it was a hassle, but i did get it all done . . . at 11:30.

it was at that time though that there was a good thing. one of the students completed her time at the program and got the joy of packing all her things to head home. this however was also a sad time as she was a friend to many of the other students.

i got to leave at 11:30 for a break before my evening shift. i went in at 3:30 to get an extra half hour to cook, and i used it to sharpen the knives there. that was a major improvement. thankfully, a few students came to help me and we had dinner go with no problem. the pizza's turned out great, and most all of it was gone at the end of the meal.

unfortunately it was right before the meal that i heard some bad news. there were a few injuries at the mountain. one student sprained their wrist, another popped something in her should, and another broke her arm! what a day! at least it was a clean simple break that will heal itself with imobilization.

after dinner i had the sad job of packing up a student's things. on a visit home over Christmas, she got surgery on her leg and the recovery time is going slowly, so it was decided for her to stay home and not return to the program. so myself and another student began to pack up all the things she had to send them back, and again this brought some hard feelings. i get to go back tomorrow and finish. i left work at 8:30 and just needed to get some sleep.

it's been a long day, and yes it has had it's moments, but the sun came up, went down, and shows no signs of discontinuing.

Seemingly unmiraculous miracles

for the last several months life has been a blur, chaotic for sure, stressful, shocking, angering, and confusing. i guess life had been going well for a while. i was having fun working at camp with many new friends. i knew that i was going to be moving to a different job and i was excited and anxious. and then it happened. things went weird, and though i didn't see it, i guess there were plenty of "coincidenses" along the way to the here and now.

i left wisconsin in september of 2008 and drove 3 days to a little, tiny town in utah. i mean little, i biked from one end of the town and back about 3 times in 15 minutes. yes, quite small. but a nice little town. it was there that the base for a wilderness therapy program was situated, and there that i would begin a new job. i went through the training, had a blast, and got hired. i was having fun. the pay was better than what i had been making, substantially better. i found an apartment in salt lake city and began to get situated. i had a friend from college i was working with, making many new friends, learning new things, building my skills and self confidence, and working on things that i needed to work on. on our off week, many people on my shift went out for sushi nights, we went whitewater kayaking, hottubbing at my place (before the landlord blamed us for plugging the filter and then drained it.) even had a chili cook off. i had found a church and was starting to get settled there. i even bought a car!

the one thing that was going slow was my progression at work. typically after a certian amount of time new staff moved up to the next level. i was a week slower, and i only had myself to blame. one of my blessed curses is the desire to make things convient and nice for others. i kept putting things off trying to find a convient time to talk about things so i could move up. it never really came and i kept rushing at the end.

and then it came, the perverbial curveball. i was called into the office and informed that i was being let go. oh the crash of emotions. shock, anger, confusion, sadness, and even hope. the program was experiencing low enrollment and had previously laid off several employees. i was let go in the second round. the head director i could tell didn't like doing it, but he managed to keep a professional appearance. the other director, the one who actually told me, had a hard time. he couldn't even look me in the face. i felt bad for him. we had a good friendship growing, mostly based in our desire of fly fishing. i heard rumor that he later cried because of the lay offs. i wanted to blurt out why, what was it that made me not make the cut, and another part of me just wanted to get out of there. oh yeah, and this was a week after i got a stick impaled in my hand. i stayed with some friends that night and drank a few beers to help soothe the emotions, though it wasn't enough to do anything. it however may have mixed with the medications i was taking for my hand, though i didn't think of that till after the beer was gone.

but i did mention hope. friends are great. it was friends from college who suggested i come to utah to get a job there. i did and it was a major adventure and lots of fun. well, i had some other friends from college who live in montana. one of them previously said that the place he worked at had a job opening doing outdoor adventure type things. at the beginning of last summer when i was looking for the new job, i had contacted that place and was quite interested, but couldn't make it up for an interview. well, i called back up there and asked if the spot was still open. that original spot wasn't, but they did need someone to fill in as another person was leaving, and there would be the possibility of adventurous activities. i drove 11 hours to the place and interviewed. i went back the next day and asked the liklihood of me getting a job. the director said that i would get it, and i spent the rest of the day looking for a place to live. i found a small place, fully furnished, all included, only 1.5 miles from work. i drove 11 hours back to salt lake city, packed up the rest of my things the next day, and the following day, drove back up to montana. the next day, i worked. two weeks after loosing my job in utah, i was working again.

during those two weeks i had another job offer from another wilderness program. it was 3 hours from salt lake city, but paid more than the first wilderness program. it was doing well and seemed like a good spot. but some things about it worried me, and i decided against it. it was so strange moving across the country, to be uprooted only 2 months later. i was angry, but i knew that i needed to do something that would have otherwise been hard for me. i needed to take that initiative rather than looking for convenience. i did, and had a job quickly. it was definately not easy, but i made it.

i kept wondering what was my downfall, and i have a few ideas, but i still don't know for sure. but i do know it was also a blessed curse. about 2 or 3 weeks later, the company had another bout of lay offs, this time laying off about half the remaining staff, right before Christmas. i guess i was blessed to be able to find a job so quickly before the holidays.

so now i'm in northwest montana working at a theraputic boarding school. i enjoy it. i get to cook for the students, and do they eat well! lots of organic, fresh food. and they even have a garden that they grow lots of food in over the summer. i also check chores in the morning to make sure the students are taking care of their responsibilities, and if the chores aren't done, i hold them accountable to make sure they do finish them. i have been able to do some adventuresome things with them too, including going to the mountain and snowboarding, and ice fishing, even though we didn't catch anything.

one spot that the directors put me in is the role of leader of the youth group. though the school is not an affiliate of any religious institution, they do have the option for students to go to church on sundays, and a wednesday night youth group. it is sadly obvious that many don't want to go to either, but a joy to see those who enjoy either or both, and there are some of each.

here is one of those miracles. during that two weeks of looking for a job, i actually looked into going to seminary to be a pastor/youth pastor. i almost did too, and did actually decide that there is about a 90%+ chance that i will at some point. but now i am leading a youth group. i have helped out with youth groups for about 6 years now, and enjoyed it more and more. and now i'm in charge. and i'm scared. i now have to try to make it enjoyable for all students, not step on the toes of the different faiths or lack-there-of of the students, and plan it all, materials, phone calls, etc. it's a rush, but a joy.

now for a second miracle. the last few years while i worked at camp, i went to a nearby church, the same one the directors of the camp went to. the pastor and i became good friends. after i moved to montana, i told him where i had moved to, and he informed me that his parents lived in the same little town. ok, this town is little, though not as little as the one previously mentioned in utah. it takes about 3 to 5 minutes to drive from on side of the town to the other. but how small a world it is. i have met with this couple a few times now and have every intention of keeping it up. i went to the same church that they go to and enjoyed it. it might be a little "crazier" than any church i went to before, all pentacostal and such, but it is alive and growing. seriously it's growing. they are currently constructing a building that is 5 times the size of the current church building to accomadate all the people! and the youth group will get the old building, and apparently they have enough youth to pack it out! wow . . . yeah, what else can i say?!

ok, and to yet another miracle. while in wisconsin my permanent address was W8305 Cty M, and will at camp it was W8301 Cty M. thought that was a bit of an indication i was to be there. well, my permanant address county in wisconsin was lincoln, and now here in montana it is also lincoln. nothing like that in utah. maybe it's nothing, maybe it is.

so these unmiraculous miracles all seem to me to be blessings. God has been watching out for me. during so much of these past months i'd been trying hard to do things on my own. not that i wanted it to be my work, but because i just wasn't looking for help. but it seems that the help was still there. it's crazy and amazing to see how it all fell, and terrifyingly exciting to see what happens next, though i don't foresee any sudden possibilty of "curveballs" thankfully.