sunlight through the cracks in the covered window awaken you. you don't remember what time you went to sleep but it was early in the morning. last night you found the house where other followers of Jesus congregated. together you questioned, cried, raged about what had just happened. you felt a deep sympathy for many of them. during the night you heard how some had been called to follow him from the beginning, three years ago, and they left everything and did. others told of how Jesus healed them, or they were touched by his compassion and love for them or others, or inspired by the stories he told. other still were amazed at how he told of a God who loved them and wanted to know more about this God.
but now it was all over. rousing yourself you wobble downstairs for something to eat. there would be plenty of leftovers. the host had prepared much food, but no body really felt like eating. entering the room you see people laying all over sleeping, and a small group in the corner discussing, crying, and consoling each other. the whole household was quiet, hoping that the romans wouldn't come after them next, and if they did, hoping this place could hide them.
grabbing a bite of food you head over to the group in the corner, then turn back to grab some for them as well hoping this offering may lighten their hearts. they are thankful for the food and pass the dish around for everyone. you recognize a few of them, one is the man you talked to at the cross, named john you found out the night before. you also learned that the women with him was the mary, the mother of Jesus.
they told you of many of the miracles and teachings Jesus told them while with them. stories that stung your soul. stories of love and mercy that added to the confusion. everyone was filled with shock and sadness. they thought that Jesus would change things. they didn't know how he would change them, but hoped he would. he even said he would, but now it seems it was a lost fairy tale, ended before it should have been. there were even a few moments of laughter the previous night as they recounted tales of the joy and fun they had together. they spoke of a time when little children want to come to Jesus, but they foolishly turned them away, and Jesus rebuked them. they laughed at it now, but you are sure they felt horrible then. there was crying as someone informed the rest of the group that the disciple who had betrayed Jesus had hung himself. he was a close friend to many of them, even if he had betrayed their teacher. the rumor was he felt so bad that he took back the blood money and left crying.
wearily you shake your head hoping to wake through the fog in your mind. so much had happened in such a short time. your contributions to last nights conversations had been mostly questions, but for a brief moment people were riveted to you as you told how Jesus invaded your mind with his thoughts of love. some people cried, some smiled, others seemed to not believe you, but you didn't care. you experienced it.
you hear a bird outside. the first sign that the outside world was not destroyed last night. your mind drifts to scenes of the day before. how it started when you were only hoping to meet some local culture. the pendant at the market, the roar of the crowd, a man washing his hands, the blood spattering the soldiers as they beat Jesus, the cries and screams of men in pain, the sadness in the eyes of Jesus, the thoughts of love he put in your mind, the terror of the earth roaring in pain, the strange darkness, the soldier who said he was the son of God.
the son of God. you believed now. anybody who can see all the junk you have done in your life and still love you is either crazy of a loving God. you had never really cared about religion before. but when you found that "religion" cared for you, a whole new world was opened before you.
unfortunately it is a world of mass confusion. why would a loving God allow this to happen? especially to His son. why would they crucify a man who did nothing but show love and mercy to those who rarely saw it? who lifted people up? who spoke of love and forgiveness? who healed and helped? and now he's dead. it's all so confusing. someone recited some passage about who is there who can understand the mind of God. you definatly don't understand, and if God does know what He's doing, you wish to be given a little insight. a glimpse of the love and knowledge that everything will be ok. but for now you know only chaos and confusion.
the many next to you taps your arm and you come back to the group. he's offering you more food, which you take with a slight disinterest. what does it all mean? does it mean anything at all? a few moments here changed your life, and nothing will be the same. but what do you do from here? what do you do from here?
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